Before the Light Fails
I have been struggling all week to find words for the emotions stirred by a yellowish twilight that came one evening at sundown, after a day of rain. It does not invoke despair, like Emily Dickinson’s certain Slant of light. But it does cause me to pause whatever I am doing, to stand at the window and simply gaze.
When I was a child, my mother brought home a painting she had fallen in love with, and hung it on our livingroom wall. It was a street scene in an English village, all somber grays: gray stone row houses on a gray cobbled street that was wet with rain. Uphill from the houses stood a gray stone church, from a window of which shone a rectangle of yellow light. If I saw this picture again today, I might dismiss it as sentimental. But what caught my mother’s attention, and what makes me remember it now, is that the artist captured that moment of otherness as a storm clears, when we see beyond the everyday world, that strange and solemn moment before the light fails.
There is something otherworldly about this kind of light. Always, when the light is unusual, it makes me realise how small and helpless we are. The world is putting on a different face from its usual one. It’s a bit like seeing your mother wearing a mask.